If you are pregnant with a toddler, you’re likely experiencing a mix of excitement and apprehension. As Glennon Doyle calls it – you are scared and excited – sxcited.
Transitioning from one child to two, or two to three, can be both joyous and challenging. Drawing from research we’ll share three tips to ensure a smooth transition for you and your growing family. If you are preparing for baby 2, we’ve got you covered!
preparing for baby 2
Communication is key
You’ve heard it before and you’ll hear it again. Communication is everything. Even if your toddler may not fully grasp the concept of a new sibling, they can sense shifts in your energy and routines.
They intuitively know something is up, even if they can’t or don’t communicate that to you. And even before they see a bump.
Preparing for baby 2 is much less about getting items ready and organized and much more about preparing your close ones for the emotional and energy changes that will come.
what about miscarriage
When is the right time to announce the pregnancy?
If you fear that you may miscarry, or , you may wonder if and when you should tell your toddler. Because of breastfeeding and hormonal changes there is a different risk of miscarriage for your first pregnancy vs second pregnancy. We would encourage you to have the conversation as early as you feel excited to talk about it.
All communication is good. If you do miscarry, whether or not your toddler know about the pregnancy they will know that something is going because of your behaviour and sadness from the loss.
You can be honest while using language that your toddler understands. As Dr. Becky often explains, it’s not necessarily the information that is scary for children, but processing the distress alone. By communicating with our children, yes, even , about what they are noticing, we confirm that they have correctly noticed what is going on in their world. This teaches them to trust themselves and their intuitions and it increases our connection with them because we have explained to them something that they already noticed. They are also not left alone with the idea that maybe something is going on, but they aren’t sure or they can’t trust themselves to know for sure.
Dr. Becky outlines this formula: validate your child’s perception by providing a story that makes sense of things, explain that your child is not to blame, and then assure your child that you are capable as a parent.
If you have miscarried, maybe something along this lines of, “Mommy has been feeling a little sad lately, it has nothing to do with you and mommy will always be able to take care of you.”
everything is about to change
Focus on one-on-one time
Maintaining one-on-one time with your toddler while preparing for baby 2 is already a lot. But proactively protecting and maintaining some special 1:1 time when the baby arrives will reassure your child that they are important too. This will build a sense of security and connection.
As you can expect, your time will be limited when the new baby arrives, and it will feel like you barely see your toddler who was, just before, your whole world. This is really difficult. To get ready for this shock try to go on some special dates with your toddler during your and really maximize all the 1:1 time you can with them. These fresh memories might make the postpartum period a little easier for you and for them.
preparing for baby 2
Add a new 1:1 routine
Even if it is just a few minutes or a small routine, can you put in place a 1:1 activity before the baby arrives that you can maintain when the baby is here?
Maybe it is reading a book in mom and dad’s bed or 10 minutes of lego. Maybe it’s on the weekends only, or it’s something quick on weeknights and on the weekends there is a longer 1:1 time.
Pick something, anything, that you can commit to.
Children like routine. Your toddler will know when they can expect to be with you and look forward to this moment.
Postpartum peace of mind
Prepare yourself for postpartum with 24/7 support from a team of 8 professionals. Body care, nutrition, breastfeeding, managing pain, mental health, yoga, return to movement and more.
PLAN FOR THE CHAOS
Prepare for postpartum support
Take the physical exhaustion of having been pregnant and giving birth, to the emotional anticipation of labor, delivery, and meeting your and add a toddler who is in deep need of attention.
Sounds like a recipe for success?
It doesn’t have to be impossible, but know that it is going to be hard. Preparing for baby 2 means setting up some support systems to help you.
physical support
Household tasks
What about cleaning and household tasks? If you normally take care of these things, can someone be scheduled to come in and help out those first weeks?
Food
Maybe you have a group of friends who will do a meal train, maybe you don’t. Can you batch cook and freeze some of your favorites, or just buy and freeze so that the stress of feeding yourself and your family is minimized.
Make sure to think about the nutrients that will help support your recovery when you are preparing your postpartum food.
timing constraints
Are you planning to breastfeed?
If you breastfed your first child, you know how much time this takes, especially at the beginning. You will likely be spending at least two hours a day with your baby on your breast. And in those first weeks, a lot of these feeds are cluster feeds during the witching hour.
What is the witching hour? It is parents’ new “happy hour.” That lovely chunk of time after work before dinner when you used to watch the sunset with a cocktail in your hand. Now it is a time where your children are often their craziest and neediest. And you better believe that with two, this is twice as true.
Accept that you probably won’t be able to cook dinner at the beginning. Maybe you can heat something up, or put the baby into a carrier and nurse at the same time, but try to have realistic expectations.
Can someone else be in charge of getting dinner on the table those first few weeks? Can you order out? Who can play with the toddler during this time?
preparing for baby 2
Include your toddler
Keep your toddler involved, both with communication and activities. Be sure to tell your toddler what is going on, if mom is stressed or dad is busy, or mom and dad used their loud voices.
Include your toddler in preparations for the baby. Toddlers love to be useful. Can they come to the store and pick out a present for the baby? Can they give some of their old toys to the baby?
The goal is to assure your older child that they are part of the change and everyone has a place in your family.
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